How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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