Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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