Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
