WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
