I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
