Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
