Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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