I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
