we'll go far in life on tits alone.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
