on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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