Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So squirting runs in the family.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
