dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
