Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
