38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
