better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
