There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
