Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
