i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
