Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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