Too much gin, very little bucket
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She's just so happy...and so naked.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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