I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
