Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
