I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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