i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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