I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
