Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
