Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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