Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
