so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
