To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
