Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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