Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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