so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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