OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
