his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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