omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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