Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
