she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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