We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
