YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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