So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
