my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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