Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
