Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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