4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
