Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
