I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
