Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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