My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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