As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
